


Too Late

by babygirl127



Category: Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (TV 2003)
Genre: Angst, Death, Hurt feelings, Love, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-22
Updated: 2015-08-22
Packaged: 2018-04-16 16:01:49
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,019
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4631406
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/babygirl127/pseuds/babygirl127
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Summary: Raph loves Don but thinks they can't be together. By the time he's realized he's wrong it's too late.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Too Late

Raph lay in bed staring up at the ceiling unable to sleep. As tired as his body was, his mind was whirling around with thoughts that refused to let him rest. Beside him came a soft sigh and he glanced over to see Don smile in his sleep and cuddle closer to the side of the larger turtle.

Raph’s stomach flipped over violently at the sight and he clenched his eyes tight as he turned his face away. This was the reason he couldn’t find any sleep tonight. This kind, gentle, perfect turtle had stolen his heart and in doing so had doomed Raph to a lifetime of agony.

What they had done last night had been a mistake. A huge mistake that Raph would do just about anything to go back and change. They were brothers, maybe not by blood but definitely in how they had been raised and some bonds weren’t meant to be forged anew. The chance that anyone else in their family would lightly accept such a change was extraordinarily slim and Raph couldn’t justify upending the life that they all clung to so precariously to selfishly indulge in this dream.

He should have said no to Don last night and never let it get this far in the first place. When Don had come to him so sweet and shy and yet with a determined look in his eyes that said he wasn’t about to back down Raph had been lost though. He had tried to turn his brother away but between Don’s insistence and his own desire he hadn’t been able to hold out for long.

In the end he and Don had ended up in Don’s bed making love far into the night over and over again. Just before Don had fallen asleep Raph had heard him whisper those three words, I love you, that sent a spike of pain through his heart and had caused the hothead to spend the rest of the night unable to find sleep or rest.

It seemed like no time at all when the alarm started ringing beside Don’s bed to wake the genius so that he could get up and start the day. Raph froze where he was as Don started to groan and stretch as he woke up and remembered why he wasn’t alone in his bed like usual.

Slowly Raph tried to extract his arm from Don’s grip where the olive green turtle had been holding onto it in his sleep but didn’t make it far. Raph had barely made it halfway to sitting up when he was pulled back down onto the bed by Don. A grunt escaped from Raph when he landed back next to his brother.

Looking over to see what the big deal was he saw a soft smile on Don’s face just before the genius leaned in with the clear intention of giving the hothead a good morning kiss. Raph turned his head just in time and Don’s lips ended up just on the edge of his jaw instead. A scowl marred Raph’s face at the tender touch and the war within himself at how much he wanted to kiss Don back and how he just couldn’t waged even stronger than it had been when he had laid awake all night.

Jerking his arm roughly out of Don’s grasp Raph quickly got out of the bed and began picking up his discarded gear from the night before and putting it back on again. As he dressed Raph made no move to look back at Don not wanting to see the confusion and pain that was probably evident on Don’s face.

“Raph?” Don’s whisper came from behind Raph freezing him in place. “What’s wrong? You’re acting very strange this morning. Are you okay?”

Raph’s hands clenched into fists as his heart begged him to turn around, gather Don into his arms, and assure him that everything would be okay. His head refused to allow him though. The consequences for their family would be too great and he just couldn’t risk it.

“I’m just fine Donatello,” Raph said as civilly and flatly as he could manage. “Why wouldn’t I be?”

“You just sound angry this morning and it doesn’t make any sense to me. Talk to me Raphie,” Don pleaded sitting up to face his brother. “I know last night was a big change for us but it’s nothing we can’t handle if we work on it together.”

Raph took a deep breath and stood up and turned around to face his younger brother. “I would hardly call what we did a big change. It was just a quick fuck between two guys. Nothing more. Nothing to make a big deal about.”

The shock and pain that crossed Don’s face was quickly covered up but Raph saw it and it cut him deep. He knew he was being cruel but he needed to be or Don’s wouldn’t let go of this. He had to think that Raph didn’t care about him as more than a brother or Don would fight for it for all he was worth.

“What are you talking about?” Don demanded. “You wanted what we did and much as I did last night. There is no way that you didn’t. I love you Raph and I know you love me. You don’t have to be afraid. I’ll be by your side all the way through this while we explain this to our family. We can do this.”

“You don’t get it do you Don,” Raph growled choosing his words carefully to make sure that he took away all possible hope for a future between them. “I don’t love you. Not the way you seem to think. Last night didn’t mean anything more to me than a good fuck. You came to me remember. I figured I’d be nice but that was it. It felt damn good but it didn’t mean a damn thing to me.”

Raph might have gone on but before he had the chance Don was out of bed and his hand flashed out and slapped Raph hard across the face.

“Get out,” Don hissed, his voice full of venom. “Get out of my room you jerk. If you didn’t love me you should have just said so last night and not used me the way you did. You’re a damn coward Raphael. Get the hell out and don’t you ever touch me again.”

Doing as he was told Raph turned and walked out of the room. The moment the door was closed behind him Raph heard a soft sob on the other side of the door and felt his heart break all over again. Nails bit into his palms with how tight his fists where as Raph spun on his heels and headed straight for the dojo to beat his frustration and hurt into his punching bag.

~

For the next four days the lair existed in a thick layer of tension as Don all but refused to remain in the same room as Raph. The only exception to the was during practice when they didn’t have a choice. For the most part Raph did his best to give Don the space that he obviously demanded. After all, it was all his fault that they were in this mess to begin with.

Going out on patrol at night was a test in patience and control for all four turtles. Raph knew how much Don seemed to detest his presence at the moment. He was also aware of Leo and Mikey’s curiosity as to what had happened between their brothers to cause the current situation though they was smart enough to keep their mouths shut about it for the time being.

All of this meant that Leo had ordered that the four of them stick together while they were on patrol. Pairing Raph and Don together was absolutely not an option and Raph knew that his leader would hesitate to separate his troops when half of them weren’t mentally at their best.

Raph may not have liked that way that Leo watched him with searching eyes as though that would give them the answers to his questions but he couldn’t disagree with Leo’s decision. It was Leo’s job to make sure that they were safe while they were on patrol. Everything that Raph had done in regards to Don and after had been to keep their family safe and whole and he understood that arguing about patrol right now would just go against everything that he had already done.

This meant that with Don and Raph not talking to one another and Raph not complaining about Leo’s choices, patrol was a very quiet affair. Mikey was the only one that seemed to make any sort of effort at conversation though those attempts didn’t make a huge dent in the oppressive silence.

It was when Mikey stopped talking suddenly that Raph was pulled from his thoughts about the mess that he had made with Don back to the present moment. Dark shadows formed on the edge of the rooftop across the street from them and by a quick count Raph could see that they were outnumbered but that they had faced worse odds before.

Pulling his sais from his belt Raph twirled them around in his hands a few times adjusting his hands to their familiar weight before settling them into his palms ready for the impending fight. A good fight always got Raph’s blood pumping and right now he could really use the distraction from the mess that he had created with Don.

At some unseen signal the shadows descended as one off of their rooftop and over onto the one occupied by the turtles surrounding the four teenagers. Instinctively they formed a circle with their shells to each other so that none of the enemy ninja could sneak up behind them and held their weapons at the ready.

“Let’s kick their butts quick,” Mikey joked. “There’s a Justice Force special on tonight that I don’t want to miss.”

“Mikey focus,” Don snapped as the Foot got ready to charge them. “Being complacent is likely to get someone hurt or worse.”

Since Mikey was standing to Raph’s left the red banded turtle saw his younger brother snap a mock salute with his nunchuck before using the momentum to get it spinning wildly.

“Aye aye captain.”

Raph growled at the continued jokes and used that irritation to knock aside the kick that came flying at his face as the fight began. His sai slashed out cutting the ninja along the forehead so that blood would stream down into his eyes, blinding him and taking him out of the fight.

Two more came at Raph to replace the one that he had dispatched. Catching the blade of one enemy in the wings of his sai Raph sent out a kick at the other that took him out at the knees as he relieved the first of his sword.

On and on he went, slashing, kicking, ducking, and dealing out his own punishing blows to anyone that came within his reach. Ninjas swarmed around them and slowly Raph was pulled away from his brothers.

Stabbing his sai into an enemy shoulder to rip through the muscle and disarm him permanently Raph took a moment to glance back over his shell to see his brothers in the same position as he was. They were each now fighting on their own against a swarm that looked like a dent had barely been made in it.

Leo was holding his own just fine with his swords swinging around in graceful arches. Mikey was laughing and taunting his enemies as he danced in and out of reach sending out punishing blows when they got too close. Finally Raph’s eyes landed on Don and his heart pounded as Don’s bo whirled creating a small space between him and the ones that would do him harm.

Raph growled low in his throat as he refocused his energies on his own fight. If he wasn’t careful he stood to pay too much attention to Don and put himself in danger from his lack of focus. That in turn would put the rest of his family in danger and that was completely unacceptable to Raph. Everything he did was to protect his family and he would not be the reason for their downfall.

Every punch and kick that he threw out possessed as much power as he could put into them. As good as Raph was, he wasn’t perfect. Enemy attacks did get past his defenses on occasion and slowly he was gathering a multitude of cuts and bruises all over his body. Just as a strong punch slammed into Raph’s jaw snapping his head to the side he heard a whoop of excitement from his youngest brother followed almost immediately by a cry of pain and the sound of a shell hitting the roof.

Raph’s heart felt that it had frozen in his chest. The sound of pain hadn’t come from Mikey. That had been Don’s voice that had yelled out. It had been Don that was hurt. Letting out a howl of rage Raph fought with everything that he had, sending Foot soldiers flying in all directions until he had knocked aside each enemy ninja that dared to challenge him.

Spinning on his heels Raph looked around wildly until he saw Don laying on his back on the roof in a growing puddle of blood not moving with Mikey standing over him. For one moment that felt like an eternity Raph found himself frozen in place before he was able to shake off the paralysis and run over to his brother’s side.

Raph’s feet had barely reached the edge of the pool of blood when he dropped to his knees heedless of the danger around him trusting in Mikey to watch his back. It took Raph just a quick look over the injured turtle to find the source of the blood. The remains of a broken sword blade was sticking out of his plastron attesting to the amount of force that it would have taken to pierce the hard armor protecting Don’s chest.

Choking coughs wracked Don’s body as Raph’s hands fluttered over his chest trying to find some way to press down on the wound to stem the flow of blood without jostling the blade and making things worse.

“Take it easy Don,” Raph whispered, trying to assure Don. “It’s going to be okay. You’ll see.”

Ripping off his elbow pads and wrist wrappings, Raph used them to pack around the wound. Frantically he looked up to see where his remaining brothers were. He didn’t want them to be hurt as well while he was trying to help Don but at the same time he knew that there was no way he could leave Don’s side with him as injured as he was.

Ten feet away Leo and Mikey both stood guard over their fallen brother and fought off the remaining Foot ninjas with a ferocity and near bloodlust that Raph rarely saw out of them. By the time Raph had turned back to Don he could see that the younger turtle was getting worse.

The pallor of Don’s skin had gone from a healthy olive green to a pale sickly mint green due to the amount of blood that he had already lost. The thing that worried Raph even more though were the coughs that continued to shake Don’s weakening body and the frothy, bloody mixture of blood and other fluids that trickled out of the corner of Don’s mouth and from his nostrils.

“It’s going to be okay Don. I’m going to make sure that you are all right,” Raph promised as he lifted one hand to caress the side of Don’s face smearing blood in the process but feeling that the comfort was more important at the moment.

Don’s eyes fought to focus on Raph’s face and his expression softened as he shook his head slowly from side to side.

“Can’t … breathe,” Don panted in a voice that was barely louder than a whisper. “Blade … hit lung … maybe … heart too … chest ... hurts … so much.”

Raph shook his head in denial and pressed down harder on Don’s chest.

“Leo! We gotta get Don out of here now!” Raph yelled to his older brother so he would know just how bad the situation was getting.

If Leo responded verbally Raph was no longer paying attention. His whole world was focused on the turtle laying in front of him struggling to breathe. Tears streaked down Raph’s cheeks as he watched each shuddering breath that Don gasped for with a wide open mouth.

“Just keep breathing Don. Just keep breathing,” Raph pleaded. “We’re gonna get you home and fix you all up. You’re so strong. You aren’t going to let some pathetic little Foot ninja get the best of you.”

Don took as deep of a breath as he could manage and started to move his lips as though he was going to try and speak again only to end up choking and gagging on the liquid that came up his throat instead.

Quickly Raph grabbed Don on the shoulders and tipped him to the side so that the fluid could be spat onto the roof instead of choking his little brother. Weakly Don tried to spit out the glop of blood, spit, and lung secretions. Seeing the trouble that Don was having Raph reached over and stuck his fingers in Don’s mouth to help scoop the gunk out.

Once Don’s mouth had been cleared for the moment he was rolled back over and he took another shuddering breath to try and speak again.

“Too late … to fix,” rasped Don.

Raph growled at the helplessness of the situation.

“No! I won’t accept that. You can’t die Donnie you just can’t. I love you. I love you so much. I’m so sorry that I said I didn’t. It wasn’t true. You were right. I was just being a coward. I was afraid of what our family might say and think and it was easier to say I didn’t love you instead even though I knew it would hurt you and I’m so sorry for that. I love you Don. Please forgive me.”

Don’s lips moved again but no sound came out. Instead more coughs shook Don’s body leaving him gasping for just the barest of breaths. Tears were unashamedly streaking down Raph’s cheeks as he watched helplessness while Don fought just to breathe.

Raph was so focused on Don that he nearly jumped when Leo and Mikey knelt down beside him to look over their brother. Shaking hands joined Raph’s and pulled them away so that Leo and Mikey could take their own look. Twin gasps sounded as they assessed the wound and the resulting damage.

A whimper sounded from Mikey as the three of them huddled close around Don and held him to give as much comfort as they could in what could no longer be denied were his last moments. While they held onto their dying brother Raph watched Don frantically waiting for him to acknowledge his admission. To say that he forgave Raph for his hurtful words. To tell Raph that what he had done was unforgivable. To just say something one last time to the turtle that loved him with all of his heart.

It was not to be however. Don could barely get any breath and didn’t have any to spare for speech. It was a slow process to watch their brother drown in his own blood and die and every moment was agony but none of them moved from Don’s side. They all wanted Don to know that he wasn’t alone in this, that his family was by his side and loved him. When Don finally took his last breath and closed his eyes for the last time it felt like Raph’s heart shattered in his chest.

They all sat there, not moving or speaking for a minute as the finality of what had just happened settled over them. Donatello was gone and there wouldn’t be any last minute miracle to bring him back.

Slowly Raph reached under Don’s knees and shoulders and lifted him up into his arms, ignoring the blood that dripped from Don’s corpse onto him. He had refused to hold Don close and call him his own in life, carrying him home now in death was the least that he could do. As he took his first step towards home, Raph could almost feel his emotions beginning to shut down in shock and his body begin to move as though on autopilot.

It was a somber procession as the three turtles brought their fallen brother home to their father one last time. When they reached home it took a moment for their father to come out of his room having not known what he would be facing, never thinking that one of his sons was now lost to him forever. The moment his eyes landed on Don’s body however Raph could almost physically see the light leave them and his father’s whole body seem to shrink down and no longer seemed as strong and full of life as he had when they left earlier that night.

Raph stood still with Don’s cool body in his arms and let his father walk over and run his hand over his fallen son’s forehead. Standing that close to his father Raph couldn’t miss the tears welling up in his father’s eyes that the muscular turtle knew were barely being held back.

Once there sensei took a step back Raph completed his journey and took Don into his med bay and laid his body down on the table where he would always care for his brothers. With the rest of his family gathered around Raph reached for the blade that was still protruding from Don’s chest.

Shifting it side to side in order to break the natural vacuum that was created from being stabbed, Raph was able to pull the sword out with a sickening squelching sound. As soon as the blade was free from Don’s chest it was as though the floodgates opened for Mikey and he could no longer hold back the sobs that had been building inside of him.

Raph stood beside the table and watched as his youngest brother dropped to his knees and just sobbed his heart out. It wasn’t that Raph didn’t care that his brother was in pain but the shock of the situation had settled firmly over his limbs preventing him from giving his only remaining little brother a shoulder to cry on.

“It’s my fault,” Mikey cried hugging himself tight as though afraid he’d fall apart otherwise. “I wasn’t paying attention like I should have been. Don knew that. He told me that before the Foot attacked but I didn’t listen. I left myself open and Don saved me and he got ... he ... he.”

Mikey couldn’t finish as new sobs cut out his voice. In response to Mikey’s distress Leo did what Raph couldn’t get himself to do in that moment and knelt down beside his baby brother and pulled him into a tight embrace.

“It’s not your fault,” Leo murmured. “No one is to blame for any of this except the Foot and they will pay for it.”

Raph clutched the broken blade tightly in his hand vowing silently that what Leo had said would be true. The Foot would pay for taking Don away from them. They would pay and pay dearly for this night. As Raph made that promise to himself he didn’t notice that he was clutching the sword so tightly in his palm that it was cutting into his skin until he felt a furry paw on his wrist drawing his attention away from his murderous thoughts.

“My son, please give me the blade,” Master Splinter ordered in a quiet voice drawing Raph’s thoughts back to the present.

It took Raph a moment to understand what his father was asking of him and when he did it took him a few seconds longer to relax his grip and let go of the blade that had taken the life of his love. As the blade fell from his hand he stared the blood welling up from the cuts on his palm to mingle with Don’s blood left there from the sword.

The sight captivated him to the point that he started to block out the world around him, only interested in this one last symbol of him and Don coming together to become one.

“Raphael!”

The sharp calling of his name jarred Raph out of the trance that sight of the merging blood had put him in.

Master Splinter gazed down at his hurting son and placed a hand on his shoulder. “Go wash yourself clean and bind your wound.”

Raph nodded absently and did as his father had told him to. He knew that his father must be hurting just as much as he was but Raph couldn’t help but need his father’s support right now for fear of breaking down himself.

When Raph had finished cleaning himself and watching the last of Don’s blood wash off of him and down the drain he walked back to the med bay where the remaining members of his family were gathered. Inside he saw his father with a cloth in his hand washing clean Don’s body and Leo and Mikey still on the floor holding each other tight and drawing comfort from one another.

As Raph reentered the room Leo looked up from his spot on the floor and made eye contact with his brother. Raph just stood in the doorway unsure as to what do with himself. It was clear to Raph that his father wished and needed to perform the ablution of his fallen son by himself and Raph also wasn’t sure that he belonged huddled together with his remaining two brothers.

While Raph stood there uncertain as to what he should do Leo pulled Mikey’s arms away from him and stood up to face his two other family members. The area of his mask under his eyes was damp from the tears and his eyes were bloodshot from the crying that he had done.

“Master Splinter, Raph, there is something that I need to tell you both,” Leo said slowly but strongly, weariness coloring his voice and posture. “I would give anything to tell you this under different circumstances but I can’t find it in my heart to take that risk. I can’t keep telling myself to wait for a better time because tonight and everything that has happened just shows how fast everything can change and I don’t want to take that risk anymore.”

Leo reached down to Mikey and took one of his sea green hands into his own and faced his sensei and brother again.

“Michelangelo and I are in a relationship. I wish that we could have told you when Don was still here and we were all together as a family and I would give anything if I could make that happen but this is the best that I can do now. I understand that this is a big change to the family but I can’t hide this anymore. I also understand how horrible this timing is and if there was anything that I could do to have Don here with us to talk this through as a whole family I would.”

Raph felt the bottom of his stomach drop out at Leo’s words. He and Mikey were in a relationship. They were in love. They were together. They had everything that he himself had wanted to share with Don and had willfully denied. Raph watched with blooming horror and sadness as his father set down the rag he had been holding and walked over to his oldest and youngest sons.

Master Splinter reached out and placed one hand on both Leo and Mikey’s shoulders. “While I too wish your news could have come without the demise of your brother to prompt you, I cannot deny the happiness of my sons. Especially in these dark times ahead that we will be facing without the light that Donatello brought to this family. There is enough sorrow for us to face with the loss of your brother without me adding to it by forbidding what happiness you can find with each other. I am sure that Donatello would have agreed felt the same as well.”

A roaring sound echoed in Raph’s ears drowning out anything else that the rest of his family had to say one the matter. The only thing going through his head was the fact that his brothers were in a relationship and his father was okay with it and he was a complete idiot. He could have had everything that he ever wanted and he threw it all away because he was afraid.

Don was right, he was just a big coward. He had pushed his brother away out of fear of losing him and that was exactly what had happened regardless. It was his own fault and no one else was to blame. Raph wished so desperately that he could go back in time to the moment when he had told Don that he didn’t love him. Even if he couldn’t have stopped Don from dying they could have been happy together until then.

Raph dropped on his knees wrapping his arms tightly around himself as if that would hold him together and ignored the stares from the rest of his family. Instead he turned his attention inward and broke down. As his heart broke into unrecognizable pieces he gave into the unending heartbreak, the unimaginable sadness, and the overwhelming pain.

All he wanted to to let Don know just how much he loved him with all of his heart but he couldn’t. He was too late.


End file.
